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Today's post is brought to you by John :)

I don’t like to be forced into things. I like to do things, such as cook, when I damn well please. Well, to make 24/24/24 ‘quota’, Steph said that I “damn well better be pleased” last Saturday, because I was making something utilizing the blessed strawberry (at least it wasn’t that rhubarb nastiness). Well let me drop something on you: strawberries are (arguably) used in only 2 things: salads, and baked goods/desserts. For the uninitiated, the negative connotations here are ‘mixing fruit and vegetables’ (salad), and ‘time-consuming’ (baked goods). And, let’s be honest, sometimes the spirit is willing, but the flesh, well, the flesh wants to take a good ole nap every now and again.

I don’t know if my proximity to the ‘Jello Museum’ (I kid you not http://www.jellogallery.org/) in LeRoy, NY (about a 30 min drive, door to door) had any influence whatsoever, but sweet salvation came in the form of one Jell-O pie. Why is that, you might ask. A fair question. Because nothing says ‘simple’ like Jell-O pie.



Somewhere between “Fat Albert” and “Heathcliff Huxtable”, comedian/entertainer Bill Cosby was hawking all things Jell-O, big-time:



This particular commercial is hilarious for obvious reasons, but also quite apropos: I am pretty much an amalgamation of both kids in how I ‘relate’ to what Steph cooks; I will inhale it out of control, and then tease that she hasn’t made something in forever, even if it was last week :)=)

So I grabbed some strawberries, a box of fatfreesugarfree strawberry Jell-O, a nonfat strawberry yogurt, and some fatfreesugarfree cool whip. And a (purchased, pre-made) chocolate graham cracker crust (how’s that for full disclosure?). Now for the tough part. You throw all the ingredients into a blender, sans the crust and cool whip. I think I added some milk too. Oh yeah, Steph made the Jell-O for me first. So it was somewhat firm when I tossed it into the blender. Once blended, into a big bowl it went. Slowly mixed in cool whip, blending it with a thingy.. I don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t a spoon. Save a little cool whip for garnish, if you so desire. Then pour into the graham cracker crust, and chill for like 4 hours I guess. Done & done.

Postscript: Oh! Oh, how they raved!! Actually it was pretty good; the real strawberries made for unbelievable taste. And the title of this blog? Just a hilarious quote my buddy Paul says that I remembered when thinking about how Jell-O wiggles, or weebles wobbles (but doesn’t fall down). Who knew it was a song, done up by the one and only Glenn Miller Orchestra here (this is AWESOME).



I need this at my wedding.

"I gotta make some changes. I'm not a woman. I'm a child. What kind of life is this?"
- Elaine Benes, Seinfeld, 1995

My thoughts mirrored Elaine's (substitute 'man' for 'woman' please) as I scooped mint chocolate chip ice cream into the middle of a split choc chip cupcake (recipe found here) in order to make a pseudo-ice cream sandwich. Are you kidding me? Doesn't this amount to playing with my food?! What's next, I'm gonna borrow an Easy Bake Oven?! Compounding my confliction was the fact that exactly one night previous, Steph and I both had already partaken in this same activity. But now, alone, deep in the shadows and still of the night, I found myself carving out delicate blades of minty green, gently layering onto cushions of chocolately goodness. Alas, in a matter of seconds, all that remained (after my final bit of self respect evaporated) was a longing for, to quote Billy Idol’s ‘Rebel Yell’, "more, more, more"...

I decided to distract myself with another ponderous point: is mint chocolate chip supposed to be white or green? As a rather husky youngster, I recall summer trips to the ice cream stand; but depending on which place we patronized, the color of said ice cream varied. It seemed the name changed too, the 'mint' alternately jumping (like Frogger) from the beginning to the end of the posted moniker, and back again… Does any of this even matter? Probably not (I am a realist), but interestingly, my rant is justified (albeit creepily) by IceCream.com: "as a Mint Chocolate Chip lover, you tend to be ambitious and confident… yet a little skeptical about life." Hmmmm… (By the way, to find out your Ice Cream Flavorology (is that a word?) check out this)

In the 80's (I have heard), a hilarious politically- and socially-minded cartoon strip named 'Bloom County' by Berkeley Breathed featured, among an array of motley characters, Opus the penguin. A gentle soul, Opus often found solace from the less-than-ideal world we inhabit by plopping himself into nature’s womb to refresh and renew his spirit. Maybe these ice cream sammies were just my version of Opus' 'dandelion break', seeing how it's never going to get warm enough here in Western NY for dandelions...

P.S. Maybe next time I'll actually cook… if you’re good!

Well, Steph was in the Poconos, and a man needs to eat. So I decide, if I’m gonna get down, I’m gonna get down and highjack the blog while I’m at it. All I hear about is blogging this and blogging that (not that I’m complaining about being an official taste tester of Stephchows, mind you). How hard can this be, right?? (I’ll tell you how hard: its Thursday night and I’m just writing this mess from Sat!!)

Now, I need to feel like cooking, and that doesn’t happen often, especially with my woman so eager to take on that chore. But desperate times call for desperate measures. She had told me I had stuff to make pizzas (I used to know such things about my own fridge). So, it was ‘go time.’ Whole wheat pizza dough was waiting for me; I just needed to knead it, flatten it, work it a bit. It smelled a little vinegar-y, so that scared me (but not enough to cease operation). Now, I do have some skills in the kitchen, truth be told; the thing is, it is more of throwing things together into a massive goulash-type deal (I am the self-proclaimed “Koncoction King”).

The next logical step, then, was just to start tossing things on top of this canvas. Pesto, garlic, lil grated parm, some diavola tomato sauce, dashes of pepper and pizza spices.. pretty much no rhyme or reason. Top with some Red Hot, fat free mozzarella, and lean turkey pepperoni. Oh yeah, I am a freak with the lowfat etc, so this was all on the healthy tip. I guess you can tell there will be no recipe to follow, but I baked this bad boy at about 400 degrees for 20 minutes or so (who the hell really knows). Check out the pics. Not bad… not bad at all!

before


after

Well this was fun. Ladies, holla for a man who cooks!! Wait - what’s that Steph? What dishes need to be cleaned...? but… but…I’m blogging.
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